Don't tell me to take it <slow, bro>. Last night was crazy! I was totally ready to <ride on> this chick at the club, <but her freak>in friends kept trying to cockblock me. I knew if I was persistent I'd <be drill>in' her soon enough, so I kept at it. I <(zapped)? those> bitches away and finally we were alone. I told her "I see you as the really are" (che cazzo significa, tra l'altro?!) <staryu. Boh> and she loved it. Eventually we went back to her place. I turned on my pants came <charmander. Boh, qualcosa con "and her "?> off. She was wearing a <parasect>sy ("parasexy"? wtf?!) undies and no bra. I grabbed her <ponyta>il (facile xD) and gave her a good ol' <cubone. Boh> so hard she was <coughing> and <weezing, non conosco un verbo così ma sarà una cosa del genere>. All of a sudden we heard a car door and she screamed "My parents <are back> from dinner!". I can't <believe> it, I'm having the best time of my life, it felt like a <magic carp>et ride, and now I'<m 'a choke (che c'entra? boh)> a bitch. She said her dad will put the <fear of> God in me if he catches me with her, so I had to disappear like <abrakadabra>. I hid in the closet and decided to wait until I could sneak out. But he found me and said he would <execute> me. Then he called the cops! turned out the chick was only 15. That's why I had to <write you> this letter from jail. The creeps here <pick at you> while you sleep and <(non sono sicuro, ma credo abbia a che fare con "squirt"> lil ("Squirt a lil?")) in your <ass>. It's horrible. <I can> see clearly now, and I'm telling you... don't mess with <whores>. You'll regret it.
